Love Math (not all it's cracked up to be)

Alright so it's been a while, I apoligize, but getting fired/ quitting really kind of slows down a blog about my shitty job.

But let's rap for a moment about my shitty life (shut your face white bread, you know what I ment). I'm alone in the world, I don't mean in terms of lifestyle, you're reading this blog after all so you must need some sort of pick me up in your life as well.

No, what I'm refering to is the fact that for some reason I can't seem to find a girl who's looking for an unemployed downer.

Now, that was on some level a joke, but let's consider for a second that when I did work, it was in a shit factory (see also: the post about the shitty DVD racks we make/ every other god awful work story I've shared) and made little more then $10 an hour during the prime "spending time with you" hours of the day. Multiply this by the number of bottle penis I witnessed while working there, divide that by the fact that all of the guys I worked with had girlfriends and you get an intersting total.

Money and Large Dicks (bottle or otherwise) are the only things that can get me a girlfriend.

Don't lie, I know I'm right, I was good at math in school.

It's why I applied to Wal Mart.

-SMJ

Bad blogging

So I havn't bloged in a while. I plan to change that but here's the update:

-I lost my job
-I lost my girlfriend
-I just got ditched on a date I've looked forward to all week





-the date was with my beautiful best friend who I'm in love with

My life is a movie

-SMJ

Huge (shitty) Rack

Today I bought a DVD rack from Wal Mart.

The rack was a total piece of shit:

-The "pre drilled holes" were totally off and it was obvious that the person that drilled them was a moron.

-The paint was chunky, gross and inconsist. the painter must have been stoned and the line inspector had to have been asleep.

-The legs were bent and twisted. again, whoever was inspecting this shit must have been screwin a dog at the time.

- The wood was a piece of junk and they clearly tried to fill the holes and failed miserably.

I ended up just using wood glue to put it together, but it looks trashy so it's probably not staying. My main issue...The rack cost me my full weeks paycheuqe.



The kicker? I checked the box to see who to swear at, it was my old factory...my inspection number.

-SMJ

I'm out...

so I finally got my balls up (whatever that unpleasant image means) and i quit my stupid fucking job. the only problem is....well I’m a filmmaker, which qualifies me to do....nothing....

I'm on the job hunt but it's hard to say where I'll ultimately end up...I can only hope it's some cushy minimum wage job like grocery clerk or movie theater usher (don't even pretend you fucking lifers...it's not a hard job, if a teenager can do it stoned...then it's not a hard job, i think we all know that)

Until that happens there wont be to much to announce. hopefully you still check in from time to time.

If all else fails i guess i could go back to the plant. the boss thought i was stoned at the time of the fire so he wrote me down for 2 weeks stress leave (which I didn’t get paid for):

"it happens, this way you wont get in shit when you come back....just share next time ya fuckin prick" he said laughing.

I can go back anytime i like....and i don't know what part of that i should be most sad about..

-SMJ

Fire Leave

This won’t take long, just a quick update on where I've been. I recently accidentally caused a fire on the inside of the oven.

I got really board at work and sort of went to go pee in the middle of a wood shift. While I was gone a piece of wood got stuck, overheated and then caught fire. It shut the plant down and I’ve been suspended without pay for two weeks.

I guess that seems pretty fair....

This is of course devastating because....I hate my fucking job. I do miss the money though, and so I've considered this basically me getting fired and have been looking for another job. I go back in about a week but I'm hoping to whip out a bottle penis and take a metaphorical leak on the plant manager.

Until then...I guess I’ll watch FOX and complain about Obama.

-SMJ

Grandpa

Today I found out that grandpa was once a great athlete at the top of his game. As he grew older he became tired and began work at the factory as a supervisor. For reasons unknown to me, But not un imaginable, he has a terrible temper and one night decided enough was enough. He was then demoted from his position of supervisor and now works with me.

There is no joke here; I simply wished to present the story to you. I have been vague on details out of respect for grandpa, but I imagine you get the general idea.

I will keep you posted on further hijinx and stories that come my way via grandpa, but in the meantime, I hope that I have helped to begin painting a picture of the man.

-SMJ

Naked Chick, Grandpa, A Robot and The Girl

Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I was lucky enough it seems, to open my computer up to a virus and so I’ve been sort if not able to access any computer type files as a hacker has decided to do so on my computer instead.

Today’s story involves grandpa and the girl. I’ll keep it brief, basically grandpa brought a fold out poster from a porn magazine of a chick on some sort of weird sex machine thing. Now, I like females and certainly naked females are ok by me as well, but this picture even a little graphic for someone of my heterosexual persuasion. But never the less, the old man (who most defiantly has grandkids) does seem to have the material at this disposal, and what’s more, he had devised a plan for what he was going to do with it. I have no idea what about the poster made the old fuck think it would be good idea to tape it to the back of the girls’ sweater but that’s exactly what he did.

As planned, there came a point where the girl decided to put her sweater on and walk around and plant with this porn poster plastered to her back. Everyone thought this was pretty fuckin hilarious. Even I cracked a smile. but after a while this situation started to piss me off, not only because the prank was is bad taste or because the girl has turned out to be kind of a sweetheart, but also because I knew I was the only one who gave a damn enough to tell her that she had “a naked chick being fucked by a robot” on her back.

Unfortunately I didn’t want to impose so I didn’t say anything about it.

-SMJ