I'm out...

so I finally got my balls up (whatever that unpleasant image means) and i quit my stupid fucking job. the only problem is....well I’m a filmmaker, which qualifies me to do....nothing....

I'm on the job hunt but it's hard to say where I'll ultimately end up...I can only hope it's some cushy minimum wage job like grocery clerk or movie theater usher (don't even pretend you fucking lifers...it's not a hard job, if a teenager can do it stoned...then it's not a hard job, i think we all know that)

Until that happens there wont be to much to announce. hopefully you still check in from time to time.

If all else fails i guess i could go back to the plant. the boss thought i was stoned at the time of the fire so he wrote me down for 2 weeks stress leave (which I didn’t get paid for):

"it happens, this way you wont get in shit when you come back....just share next time ya fuckin prick" he said laughing.

I can go back anytime i like....and i don't know what part of that i should be most sad about..

-SMJ

Fire Leave

This won’t take long, just a quick update on where I've been. I recently accidentally caused a fire on the inside of the oven.

I got really board at work and sort of went to go pee in the middle of a wood shift. While I was gone a piece of wood got stuck, overheated and then caught fire. It shut the plant down and I’ve been suspended without pay for two weeks.

I guess that seems pretty fair....

This is of course devastating because....I hate my fucking job. I do miss the money though, and so I've considered this basically me getting fired and have been looking for another job. I go back in about a week but I'm hoping to whip out a bottle penis and take a metaphorical leak on the plant manager.

Until then...I guess I’ll watch FOX and complain about Obama.

-SMJ

Grandpa

Today I found out that grandpa was once a great athlete at the top of his game. As he grew older he became tired and began work at the factory as a supervisor. For reasons unknown to me, But not un imaginable, he has a terrible temper and one night decided enough was enough. He was then demoted from his position of supervisor and now works with me.

There is no joke here; I simply wished to present the story to you. I have been vague on details out of respect for grandpa, but I imagine you get the general idea.

I will keep you posted on further hijinx and stories that come my way via grandpa, but in the meantime, I hope that I have helped to begin painting a picture of the man.

-SMJ

Naked Chick, Grandpa, A Robot and The Girl

Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I was lucky enough it seems, to open my computer up to a virus and so I’ve been sort if not able to access any computer type files as a hacker has decided to do so on my computer instead.

Today’s story involves grandpa and the girl. I’ll keep it brief, basically grandpa brought a fold out poster from a porn magazine of a chick on some sort of weird sex machine thing. Now, I like females and certainly naked females are ok by me as well, but this picture even a little graphic for someone of my heterosexual persuasion. But never the less, the old man (who most defiantly has grandkids) does seem to have the material at this disposal, and what’s more, he had devised a plan for what he was going to do with it. I have no idea what about the poster made the old fuck think it would be good idea to tape it to the back of the girls’ sweater but that’s exactly what he did.

As planned, there came a point where the girl decided to put her sweater on and walk around and plant with this porn poster plastered to her back. Everyone thought this was pretty fuckin hilarious. Even I cracked a smile. but after a while this situation started to piss me off, not only because the prank was is bad taste or because the girl has turned out to be kind of a sweetheart, but also because I knew I was the only one who gave a damn enough to tell her that she had “a naked chick being fucked by a robot” on her back.

Unfortunately I didn’t want to impose so I didn’t say anything about it.

-SMJ

Notes On "Health Care Reform"

I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the health care issue,

I don't want to get overly political here, but I am a Canadian and as such i've had my fair share of trips to the doctor and I have yet to sell the shirt off my back to do so. As a result i consider myself sort of an expert on the topic (i also read books sometimes so...that's where there other expertness comes from)

Now in reality, the U.S will never have "Nationalized Health Care".

how do i know?

because apparently the bible says something about it being a bad idea (which..the version I read didn't but...who knows...)and that's pretty much all it takes for americans to shape laws* (*see also: slave trade, abortion and prop 8)

that in mind, i figured i'd put my thoughts out there just for fun (and please...if you read this, be sure to tell others, regardless of your or their view i would really like to engage in a discussion to better both of our understanding of the two sides).

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***I'll update this post every now and then so be sure to check in, please don't look at this as an attack, I have health care, I like it, it's not for everyone.....I just thought it would be interesting to fire back with the same "passion" I've been seeing, hearing and reading in the media.***

so here is what (in my understanding) is not being yelled at town hall meetings as the "learnid people who don't know nothin about real issues" (like that goofy looking black guy for example) are trying to talk:

Dear American Right, Just say "it's every man for himself cause we don't give a F***" and we can drop this bull shit game

Dear American Right, to my knowledge nationalized health care has never lead to the capture of down syndrome babies by death squads in my country

Dear American Right, Jesus put a man's ear back on....FREE OF CHARGE!! cause he knew it was a good idea.

-SMJ

Marking Territory

My one day of relief is over, "The Girl" was out today...as were the plastic bottles....in full force yet again.

Today one of my older coworkers (one of the grandfathers) came up behind me with his bottle penis and "urinated" on me.

when i turned around to see what was pissing on my leg grandpa laughed at me and began to chant:

"i'm the boss, i'm the boss, motha fucka don't you eva forget, i'm the boss".

-SMJ

New Girl

Today we got a new girl in the department. to be fair she's the only "girl" in the department, all the other females are in their mid 40's or later.

anyway, as I may or may not have mentioned I am (was) the youngest member of the night shift crew by 5 years, this new girl however is a few months younger than me and as such she is regarded as a shinny new toy by my male coworkers.

now let me clarify something, this girl is cute, there's no denying that, but most of these guys are fathers and grandfathers (on the delivering side of abandonment perhaps, but it still counts) and yet the "passes" and sexual gestures behind her back (quite literally) were out in full force an hour into the shift.

now there's a lot that can be said about this entire situation, most of which isn't really that funny and most of which i would personally be lying to myself about as a warm blooded sexually charged male. the basic facts come down to this:

-she's cute, and having her around defiantly makes the night a lot better.

-if it keeps everyone happy then it can't be all that bad

-she knows what type of a work place this is, by walking in there dressed like megan fox and having little beads of sweat slowly run down your body your clearly aware of the attention you'll be receiving (which again...i noticed it too...I'm not gonna lie about that)

-she's been there a day and already she's in the running to get a better job placement than me (I watch paint dry for those of you just tuning in)

-did i mention she's cute...cause she is...like almost illegally so given the general "shit faces" that tend to work in this factory.

and finally

- I didn't see a bottle penis once tonight. it seems as though having a girl around has actually cleaned up the joint.

my verdict: "this girl is a good thing, I intend to bring her to all future factory jobs (if i ever manage to get the fuck out of this one)"

-SMJ